A single past. (An introduction of sorts)

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Rafiki told a young-adult Simba: “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

Now, as all 90’s babies can attest, I learned all substantial knowledge from Disney movies, the Lion King in particular. So, I took that with a grain of salt.  And, though there were other scenes that said you should learn to leave your past behind or whatever, I’ve found that going through my past and learning from my past mistakes has made me stronger (as long as I don’t dwell back there too long).

And in the next few weeks I’ll investigate my past relationships  in a series of posts.  You’ve only been with me for three years, Internet, you have about 20 years of catching up to do.  I think this will be a mental and emotional cleanse.  And once it’s out of me, I think that I’ll be more at peace with myself and my relationship status (i.e single).   Maybe  I’ll also be more open when a new relationship shows itself.

So this post is simply an introduction to Tommy, Chuckie, Phi, and Spike (all names changed – mainly for me because then I get to use the Rugrats characters in a post- to protect the person’s privacy).  You all know about my latest exploits with Josh so I feel it’s only fair that I air all of my dirty lingerie for the world to see.

Enjoy, Kiddies, it’s about to be story time.

A single Maddog.

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His name was Maddog.

That should be the end.

But it was St. Patrick’s Day and I was drunk – which means it was only the beginning.  

I’ve been viewing Maddog as the beginning of an era.  This time in my life I am dubbing: Grown Up Fun Time (GUFT). This is a big time in my life because, for the first time, I’ve been finding that I’m actually okay with making reckless decisions when it comes to just about everything in my life – including boys.  Seriously, this is a big moment for my introverted self.

But really, guys, can someone please just give me a “I’m proud of you”?

I’m proud of you! 

Thanks, self.

You’re welcome.

Anyways, it’s been a good few weeks since St. Patty’s Day – not because of all those imaginary boys lining up outside of my door – but because of all the fun I’ve had as I’ve become more carefree in my GUFT years.

So, who’s Maddog? Maddog is a man who walked into my bar, bought me a drink, and let me make out with him all around my hometown.  He didn’t care about my no sex rule.  He didn’t care.  He just wanted to have a good time.

(And can we just talk about the bragging rights that come with making out with a guy named “Maddog”? I feel like I get some semblance of street-cred with that one).

Easy enough.

Have a good time.

I think I might enjoy the GUFT years.

A single shot, revisited.

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Man, do I have a headache right now.

Last night’s post should have been titled “A single round of shots, consumed again and again and again.” But, I was too drunk to have done anything super clever for you all last night.

It wasn’t until this morning, when I was checking my email and saw my wordpress notifications that I remembered writing that.  So, no worries, my alter-ego, Drunk Olivia, wrote that post last night.  I am the real Olivia and now I’m standing up and writing a quick clarification to all my loyal readers.

CLARIFICATIONS:

– I did not take a single shot. That is a lie.  I took seven.

– “done” not “gone”

– I have not given up.

There you have it folks! Drunk Olivia is not the most accurate but she’s got a whole lot of heart.

Thanks for all your posts and words of encouragement! As a reward for being so kind and understanding of my drunken ways, I’ve added a link that my sister, Jessie, sent me the other day, I think you will enjoy it as much as we did.

Dating Montage

A single voice.

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The other night my friend Kelsey (of the famed blog post of yore) and I decided that it was a good night to just go for a drive.  And, with shouts of “Adventure!”, we drove with no particular destination in mind.

But we did have one plan: talk.  And we talked a lot.  It felt good to fully vocalize all my fears and thoughts.  Out there, in the open, with another voice to object to the biased opinions I have of my various situations in life.

And that’s when I realized that I had let my mind’s voice take over for me.

Who knew a single drive would lead me to find a single voice?

Voice is a big deal for writers.  In school they teach us how to develop our voices so we speak effectively to our audience.  We never get a chance to actually speak, personally, to our readers so we spend a lot of time cultivating the one voice they will read.

Spending so much time in my head, creating my writing voice, has allowed me to encounter all those other pesky thoughts (I would say “voices” but then I would be talking about the voices in my head and then I just sound flat-out crazy).  I’m very intimate with my thoughts.  I know them well.  And that’s why I’m unafraid to analyze the shit out of them.

I let that little voice in my head question everything I do.  I let it tear me down.  It analyzes how I speak, how I act, how I behave with a boy.  It makes me uncomfortable in my skin so that when I’m with a guy I’m afraid to let him even touch me.

Frankly, that’s fucked.

So now I’m ready to take control of the voice I created.  My inner-voice.  The voice that has belittled me, mocked me, and told me I couldn’t amount to anything.  The voice that has held me back from doing all the great things I know I can do.  The voice that consumed me only months ago.  I’m fighting back.

Let the adventures begin!

A single guest.

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My lovely friend, Molly, recently started her own blog about becoming single again – giving A Single Blog  a new persepctive for you, my weary followers, to read.  So enjoy – fresh out of Molly’s blog, Dumped.  A new voice to be heard in the Singlesphere.  Read this and then read more on her blog.  

Well it’s been about three weeks since I realized I was alone. I find the hardest part is realizing that you don’t have someone to tell anyone everything anymore. I see something that reminds me of them and I want to do what is normal and tell them. Unfortunately that is not possible. There is no one to tell because no one will understand the lost joke. You try to reach out to your friends about it but it’s not the same.
It’s hard to come to the conclusion that you need to take time to yourself. Maybe it’s ok not to tell someone everything about your life right now. You need time to recover. Time to be your own person. By not telling someone every single thing that happened to you today you have to process it on your own and understand your life a little better. This could help you realize things you may need to change or things that you are doing that truly are not you. 
I have realized that I depend on other people too much. I depend on other people to take care of me too much. I do like to be taken care of but I need to learn that living on your own for awhile will make you a stronger person. One with a harder backbone. 
I have struggled with this for awhile now and I am only beginning to be okay with not talking to someone before I go to bed every night or just to fill time. I have found other things such as what you are reading. And thankfully it hasn’t been mindless eating. 
There is nothing harder (that I have found) then losing someone that you love. But thankfully from the three weeks that I have been going through it, every day seems to get a little easier. If you are in the beginning stages I know this sounds like crap but I promise that it will get better.