I was watching Dexter the other night while taking on a pint of Talenti when I had an epiphany. You see, Dexter Morgan has this series of rules (the Code of Harry) that he lives by and that’s when I thought: If a serial killer can have a series of rules to live by, why can’t I have a series of rules to be single by? Dexter has a code, Bros have a code, Girls have a code. And that’s Basing each code on past experience or stories from friends, I made a list of these codes (listed in no particular order because we all know I love listing ideas). Here we go:
- Don’t forget to shave: It could (actually it has, on many occasions) act as a deterrent for me not to do fun things with boys. It’s not that I don’t think I’m sexy with some hair, it’s just, I don’t like to feel like someone is petting me.
- Never Date, Hookup, or Flirt with Guy-Friends: Listen, friends are sacred. They’re family. And I don’t want to feel like I’m keeping my guys around just to make out with them when I get drunk at parties. I don’t care how long it has been, I will not do it with a friend. That’s sacred ground. And I don’t want them to feel like I’m constantly trying to get in their pants. It’s a two-way street, in that respect.
- The Boy has to Pass: When dating online, the Boy must, he MUST, pass a rigorous screening processing involving three close friends, one of whom must be a valid-private eye before you can give him your number (which will ultimately lead to date number one).
- Texting is a “just right” sort of thing: Texting is a lot like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Too much texting is obnoxious. Too little texting is frustrating. There needs to be just enough texting to make everything “just right.”
- Never in a car: It’s tacky. It’s rude to the people that have to sit down on that backseat, not knowing your bare ass was touching it first. No. I won’t. I’m a lady (sort of) and I don’t do it in cars.
What!? There are only five rules? 5? That’s crap.
Don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m going to update this as I go.