A single code.

I was watching Dexter the other night while taking on a pint of Talenti when I had an epiphany.  You see, Dexter Morgan has this series of rules (the Code of Harry) that he lives by and that’s when I thought: If a serial killer can have a series of rules to live by, why can’t I have a series of rules to be single by? Dexter has a code, Bros have a code, Girls have a code. And that’s  Basing each code on past experience or stories from friends, I made a list of these codes (listed in no particular order because we all know I love listing ideas).  Here we go:

  1. Don’t forget to shave: It could (actually it has, on many occasions) act as a deterrent for me not to do fun things with boys.  It’s not that I don’t think I’m sexy with some hair, it’s just, I don’t like to feel like someone is petting me.
  2. Never Date, Hookup, or Flirt with Guy-Friends: Listen, friends are sacred.  They’re family.  And I don’t want to feel like I’m keeping my guys around just to make out with them when I get drunk at parties.  I don’t care how long it has been, I will not do it with a friend.  That’s sacred ground. And I don’t want them to feel like I’m constantly trying to get in their pants.  It’s a two-way street, in that respect.
  3. The Boy has to Pass: When dating online, the Boy must, he MUST, pass a rigorous screening processing involving three close friends, one of whom must be a valid-private eye before you can give him your number (which will ultimately lead to date number one).
  4. Texting is a “just right” sort of thing: Texting is a lot like Goldilocks and the Three Bears.  Too much texting is obnoxious.  Too little texting is frustrating.  There needs to be just enough texting to make everything “just right.”
  5. Never in a car: It’s tacky.  It’s rude to the people that have to sit down on that backseat, not knowing your bare ass was touching it first.  No.  I won’t.  I’m a lady (sort of) and I don’t do it in cars.

What!? There are only five rules? 5? That’s crap.
Don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m going to update this as I go.

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