It can be a craft to get a guy into your bed. We’ve all been there – you make an excuse to get Boy into your room and then, you get there, and you’ve run out of clever ways to trick him to get him into your bed with you.
That’s why A Single Blog has compiled a list of tricks to get the man you desire into bed with you.
Disclaimer: A Single Blog cannot guarantee the success of any of these tips. Wear protection. Don’t drink and screw. Just kidding, drink and screw but wear a condom still. No one, especially A Single Blog, wants to see the product of your drunken mistake. Remember, no means no both ways. Always make sure that you ask your partner before having sex – no one likes a rapist.
Cuddles, snuggles and hugs are my thing. I’m the little spoon by nature but will accommodate for the right party. To me, there is nothing better than feeling like I’m being anchored by someone. That’s why I’ve become a bit of a
Doesn’t matter who or when – I will snuggle and, as is the case with most whorish behavior, I will snuggle as much as possible when I’m drunk. God, I love drunk cuddling. Love it. Makes the buzz even better.
But I digress.
I often wonder what’s innocent and what’s, well, not. When is a snuggle just a snuggle? How often am I just a warm body to the person I’m cuddling with and when am I more connected to the person with their arms around me?
I believe 95% of the time we just need a warm body – we need to feel comforted or just loved and that other person is just what we need (I would bump that percentage up to 98% if alcohol was involved).
The other 5% is rare and it’s often hard to decipher. Both parties involved in the snuggle-fest would need to be absolutely certain that this was more than just a body spooning, hand holding ordeal. And what if you misread the signs – what if it seems like it’s the 5% when it’s really the 95%? It’s hard to read.
This is all speculation. I don’t have the answers – I often don’t. I never know what percentile I’m in and I’m often left wondering the next morning if that little peck on the lips meant anything – although, by the time I get to brushing my teeth, I realize it was just a spoof, a slip up, a caught-in-the-heat-of-the-moment sort of thing. And the warm body percentage stays strong.
I’m not delusional and I love cuddling the 95% regardless.
I’ve been cranky this week.
If it had a penis I hated it. If the penis was friendly I loathed it. Castration was all I could think about whenever a boy came into view.
That’s easy – I’ve been feeling the single person’s blues. The blues that you feel when friends around you are in emotional bliss over some significant person. It’s not that I’m not happy for these friends but hearing about beautiful eyes and physiques can make any person a little bit crazy when I’m sitting here still very much not seeing anyone.
This is what makes me into what my sister calls “a crank pot” – when a person is particularly difficult, mean or bitchy. And I’ve been a super crank pot this week. Those single girl blues be getting me down.
I think we’ve all been there at some point or another. Which is why I’m providing my official…
Crank-Pot Aversion Recipe:
You will need –
- One bottle of Jameson
- Adele CD
Open the bottle of whiskey. Turn on the tunes and drink at least 2 shots per song. Once the CD is over, finish the bottle, go to bed, wake up with a hangover and get over the single person’s blues.
This is a simple recipe that yields effective results. You won’t hate your friends for being happy and might even be able to be happy for them as well.
This past weekend was one of those roller coasters – you know the emotional sort.
And whenever I feel a little out of sorts, because of confused feelings or uncertain longings, I always find myself drawn to one book and one book only: The Symposium by Plato.
I lost you at, Plato, didn’t I? I know how it sounds – a little pretentious with a side of god awful and boring.
It’s none of those things. Not even close.
It’s all the great minds of Plato’s time coming together to discuss the origins of love. How can you hate that? Hm?
I’ve always been drawn to one particular speech within the text: Aristophanes’. In which, Aristophanes looks at the history of the human race and how we came to need a partner in life.
Since some of you might still not go out to Barnes and Noble and buy this book to read – I’ve decided to give you the low down – consider this A Single Blog’s version of Spark Notes.
Here we go:
Basically the entire human race started out looking a little bit different than what we are used to seeing today. Back then everyone was round and they had two sets of everything – arms, legs, heads. Each body was made up of two genders: man & man, woman & woman, and woman & man.
They were madly in love with the other head they shared their body with. And, since they shared a body and had so many legs and arms to spare, these odd looking people would cartwheel around. They were super powerful and super fast and super conceited and the Gods became angry. They wanted to remind the humans that they were, indeed, human.
So the Gods decided to split up the humans, making them more vulnerable. Now, when they did this, the beings were scattered around the world, away from their mate, and the halves longed for each other. They didn’t know what do do without their partners.
Many of the beings died – they wouldn’t eat, sleep or move without their loved ones – but some were more fortunate than others. Some found their other half and when they did they wrapped their arms around that person and never let go.
According to Aristophanes it is in our nature to constantly search for our other half – that person is male or female based on the original gender you are from.
There is nothing in this world that gives me more hope than Aristophanes speech because, according to him, I’m doing the right thing – I’m doing what comes natural to me. I’m searching for my other half.
She had eaten sushi before.
|How can you try to bite into this face? Save a panda: Eat sushi right.
Photo from: http://thesuiteworld.com/
|Thanks k8mac for the photo of
My roommates, Kim, Ruchi and Chief, were stooping outside with me earlier today.
10. Lifting heavy things: Have you ever seen that Planet Fitness commercial where the guy is looking into buying a membership for a gym and all he says is “I pick things up, I put things down” ? That’s all we want boys to do. We want them to lift up our refrigerators, televisions and heavy boxes of books and move them into our rooms.