Top 5 Ways a Dry Spell Can Improve Your Life.


This post has taken me some time to finish because, quite frankly, there is very little that can improve when you haven’t been getting any but with a little help from my friends I was able to find the silver lining in this situation.  

5.Things will never be cleaner. After a few weeks without getting any action you will relish in the feeling of a broom handle in your grasps or watching the dust getting picked up by the Swiffer pad.  An added bonus is that, if you ever do get some action, you won’t need a 30 second head start to quickly hide old pizza boxes into your closet – the room will be ready to get some visitors. 

Somehow I don’t think this baking
 is going to help…
Photo from: http://vegancupcakes.files.wordpress.

4.Baking skills will be on the rise.
Cookies will be plentiful. Pies will cool in all the windows of your home.  Obscure relatives and friends from elementary school will all receive deliciously baked distractions from reality on their doorsteps. 

3. Better health.
It’s simple math: You + No One = Less chance of getting an STI.  You may get extremely frustrated at times but you at least you’ll know that you aren’t going to be crab-y.  

2. Work will be completed on time.
And blog posts will become more frequent because, really, what else do you have to do?  No distractions.  At all. 

1. You will improve your most important life skill: Bartending.
Vigorously shaking mixed drinks will become calming and reaching for the two olives to fill the martini glass will have you licking your lips.  Each drink will serve it’s phallic intentions and keep you happy (or just drunk).  So bottoms up! You’re not getting any but you’re a better-ish person for it!