Top 10 reasons why I would never be a contestant on a reality-TV dating show.


There are many things that I’m willing to do when it comes to finding me a man but I will never be willing to go onto a reality dating show.  Power to the people that do but it’s just not for me.   Here’s my top ten reasons as to why:
10. I honestly don’t like roses enough to get them each time I get to continue on for another week towards my true love.
9.  My boobs are just too real.  They sag slightly to the left, they shake like an earthquake (they may have caused that earthquake in Haiti like some religious officials claimed) even when I don’t want them to and I think one is bigger than the other. The realness might be too much for my potential bachelor; they are a lot to handle and paired with an entire show of fake breasts the poor fellow might just not know what to do when comes across a real pair.  

8.  I would start to laugh at inappropriate times.  Champagne, sunsets, a boat ride with my bachelor and what am I doing? Laughing. How can you take something like that seriously when you are snuggled up with bachelor number one and five other guys clutching their cameras?  And let’s not forget those cheesy one liners.  The guy wouldn’t know what to do as I am rolling on the floor right after he told me that “I was the only girl for him.” I’m on a show with twenty other girls that fill his requirements, obviously I’m not the only girl for him. 

First Fault: Rose
Second Fault: Cookie-Cutter Image
No thanks, Bub.
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7.  I don’t like cookie cutter boys.  Give me your weird, give me your nerds, give me your lifeless video-gamers; that’s how I like ‘em.  I like people who are different. I like personality. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Brad Pitts of this world as much as the next girl but if they all have the same smile, same laugh and same dyed, surfer boy hair then it’s just not a guy I want.  I need something different, a surprise and, as long as their idea of a surprise isn’t taking a shower, I am open to almost any guy that is free-form. 

6.  My chances of becoming a millionaire are too slim.  Although some girls get a big check at the end of the show, it certainly isn’t guaranteed.  Unless I’m certain that all of this putting out and wearing low cut dresses gets me some money I don’t want to participate. I’m a poor college student and, yes, my options for money as an English Major aren’t all that great but I could make more money working the corner down by the local 7-11, wearing the same clothes as I did on the show, and I could \ do all of that while avoiding taxes or prenups. 

5.  No one should have to attack another girl to win a man’s heart just to fulfill some guy’s fantasy about girls wrestling in pudding, mud, jello, etc. And they should never have to do that in short-shorts and a tank top just to win over a guy they barely know.  Also, I wouldn’t fair well in just a tank top while balancing in a pool of jello (refer back to #9).  

4.  Living in a house filled with girly-girls who take too long in the bathroom and bitch about each other behind their backs just isn’t my scene.  I would snap.  Hair dye would go missing, roots would be exposed and then things would start to get ugly.  That would be quality television. 
There’s no way you are putting me in a room
with  a stranger and turning out the lights.
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3.  I have a fear of the dark and, although some shows are clever in their interpretation of a blind date, I’d hate to know how shallow boys can be when the lights come back on.

2.  The challenges aren’t as good as on Survivor. If I compete for a guy then I want to at least enjoy myself.  

1.   Although I want to find my true love I don’t think I’m desperate enough to put my love turmoils out there for everyone to see (Just kidding).

A single, online, attempt to finding love.

I refuse, well, I refused to use an online dating site.  I refused until my sister, Jessie, came home for the summer raving about a dating website called “OkCupid.” And, after  constant praise for the site by my sister, I asked Jessie to help me set up a profile.  
At first, all I wanted to do was mock the site.  Three words that describe me? Bitter, alone and drunk.   But then, after brutally tearing the site apart, I had my profile viewed and, just like that, the possibilities seemed endless:  There would be white doves at my wedding and we would all laugh and reminisce about the time we spent viewing each others’ profiles before we actually mustered up the courage to instant message (we won’t get into how long it took us to actually meet up in person).  
This vision was followed by a wave of nausea as I looked at the profile picture of my husband to be: backwards baseball cap, flash in the face as he posed in front of a mirror holding his wife-beater up so the world could see his non-abs.  Well, that dream exploded violently in my mind; dove feathers everywhere. 
Well, after that let down, I decided it was time for OkCupid and I to have a trial separation after only a month of active use (I’ve never been one to have a relationship that lasts).  But the desire to find some online loving (and not the porn kind) drove me back into its cyber clutches.  And that’s when I found him – drfruitloop.  He’s from my hometown’s rival town.  He’s nothing like me.  He’s nothing that I want in a man but for some reason I was intrigued.  
We messaged, told each other secrets at odd hours of the day and waited impatiently for the next installment of our great affair to unfold on our browser page.  At least we did, until I got bored.  Like I said, we are nothing alike.  So it was only a matter of messages before we lost all interest in each other – or I lost interest in him.  Maybe I have love ADD.  The person I’m interested in needs to have flashing lights or something shiny on him at all times otherwise I’ll be distracted by the next great thing I come across.  Do they give medication for this particular brand of ADD?
This time, though, when OkCupid failed me, I decided to let it stay active because, for the shortest time, I felt something for another human being.  That was nice and reminded me of relationships of Olivia past.  So although drfruitloop and I didn’t pan out, at least I learned that this online dating thing might not be all that bad.  Let’s see where it takes me.

A single re-opening.

Honestly, nothing separates the events that I will transcribe here from those that every single female is probably going through.  I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to market these thoughts and experiences as brand new.  I’m not. Seriously, Sex and the City covers most of these things in a single episode.  This is just a day to day account of my trial and error approach to finding love.  
Finding love.  I make it sound like I’m going out after the Holy Grail (and, trust me, if that was the case I wouldn’t be single for long – have you seen young Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones? Hot damn.) when, in all actuality, I am doing what every single person in the world is doing: searching for and obtaining love, regardless of how true it may be.  I just hope that if I’m placing my encounters up here, for all to see, that I might be able to self edit, improve my techniques in the dating world. 
Alright folks, here we go, the start of something newer, something bloggier, and something better.  Stay tuned and be a part of my new love life as it starts.